Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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