Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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