you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
