Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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