I hate your face
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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