Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize