yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Fuck appropriateness.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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