I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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