I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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