i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
