i don't like sucking hair
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
