last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
A+ Viking dick
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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