Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
