I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
