can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
