a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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