I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
