I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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