Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize