i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
