I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
