no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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