If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
