I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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