Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
