You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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