I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
