I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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