Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She bit a glass in half.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
