i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
That's how pantless uber rides happen
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
