i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I intend to get homeless drunk
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
