we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
