i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
