That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
