I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
