rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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