you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
