I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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