the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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