I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
