If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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