guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
