I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We got so high we made milksteak
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
