I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
