you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
