She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
