I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
