I'm so fucking centered right now
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
