the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
