dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just want to make out with him forever
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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