Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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