i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
