he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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