He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
