ya dads aren't the best wingmen
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
