we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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