Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
