Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
