I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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