I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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