I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
