he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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