If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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