My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
