I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
