the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Oh god it's open bar.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
