She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
