I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
