did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize